STRESSED OUT.

I don't know if it's just today, but I am ridiculously stressed out!!! I've been trying out new and improved ways of coping with stress, but so far nothing has really worked. The stress of these new coping methods not working is adding to my stress level, and I feel like I'm just going to EXPLODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So here's why I'm stressed.

Since I started working for DCFS, my life has changed drastically. I used to spend all day at home, being able to keep the house clean and organized, cook dinner, have the laundry all done, etc etc etc. Then I would go to work a couple nights a week at the sleep lab. I got to see Scottie a lot, since he worked at nights also, and we'd have all day to be together. I also had no homework, no stress of school, and although our financial worries were still present, they weren't overbearing.

But NOW - I work four 10 hour days - from 8 am to 6 pm Mon - Thurs. I get home Monday nights at 7, just in time to scrounge something for dinner and try to tidy up what I can before going to bed at 10. Tuesdays I get off work at 5:30 and go straight to U of P where I'm in class till 10:00 at night. Wednesdays I get off work and go spend time with my Grandmother till 8 or 9 at night (which is usually the highlight of my week because my Grandmother is an amazing person) and then Thursdays I usually end up staying late at work to prepare for things on Monday. Fridays are my one day to get things done. Laundry, cleaning, shopping, and the random things that ALWAYS seem to come up. Not to mention homework.

Scottie goes to school Mon, Wed and Fri from 9 am to 3 pm and then goes straight to work till 11. I'm usually in bed when he gets home. He works Tue and Thur from 7 am - 3 pm and then goes to school till 6 pm. I feel like I never get to see him. We do get Thursday nights together for a couple hours, and then Sat and Sun, but we're always going somewhere doing something every weekend. The house seems to always be a mess. There's always dishes or laundry to do. And for some reason, now that I'm making more money, things seem to be more expensive. There's always a random new bill that just shows up. Or there's an ER visit when someone sprains their ankle playing Rockband on the Wii (I wonder who did THAT?!?!!) *cough* SCOTT *cough*

On top of that, my job is incredibly stressful. Not only am I stressed about the things going on in my own personal life, but I have 16 kids to worry about - 16 kids whose parents just don't seem to be gettin it. 16 kids that depend on me to keep them safe and help them with everything they need. 16 kids that only want to be loved. And I don't get why their parents can't do it!!!! Granted, they provide me with job security, so that's the silver lining in the world of DCFS, as sad as that is.

Whew. Okay. Venting session now over.

Now that you probably think I'm absolutely crazy, I was hoping for some stress relief advice. I know I'm not the only one that feels this way - all of you have lives that are just as busy, and more - because most of you have kids!! I can't imagine how you do it - the thought of being a mom right now is ridiculously overwhelming, and I admire each one of you superwomen moms!!!

So what do you do to relax? What gets your mind off the stresses of everyday life? I would love to know your secrets! So do tell!!!

Thanks for stopping by!

The Soundtrack of My Life!

I've done these before, when I've seen bulletins on myspace or whatnot, and I came across another one, but it got the best/funniest results yet! This one is definitely being made into a CD!!

So here's what you do. Open your iTunes, or whatever media player you have, set it to shuffle, and as the songs play, you create the soundtrack of your life! NO SKIPPING!!! You have to take what plays! That's what makes it so fun! So have at it!

Here's mine:

Opening credits.................BEVERLY HILLS - WEEZER
Waking up.........................WHY DON'T YOU GET A JOB - THE OFFSPRING
Average day.......................I HAVE A DREAM - ABBA (MAMMA MIA! SOUNDTRACK)
First date...........................YOUNG BLOOD - BRUCE WILLIS
First kiss............................THE ADVENTURE FINAL - ANGELS AND AIRWAVES
Falling in love....................GOODBYE EARL - DIXIE CHICKS
Love scene..........................WALK ON WATER - AEROSMITH
Fight scene.........................MY HERO - PARAMOUR (FOO FIGHTERS REMAKE)
Breaking up........................MAYBE MISERY - QUIET DRIVE
Getting back together........THE QUIET THINGS THAT NO ONE EVER KNOWS - BRAND NEW
Life's okay..........................THE LONG AND WINDING ROAD - THE BEATLES
Mental breakdown............SHORT SKIRT LONG JACKET - CAKE
Driving...............................WHEN I GET OLD - DESCENDENTS
Learning a lesson..............USED TO - DAUGHTRY
Deep thought.....................7 MINUTES IN HEAVEN - FALLOUT BOY
Flashback..........................GET OVER IT - OK GO
Partying.............................LIVIN ON A PRAYER - BON JOVI
Regret................................THE NIGHT I FELL IN LOVE - PET SHOP BOYS
Long night alone...............LEAVING ON A JET PLANE - BLINK 182 (JOHN DENVER REMAKE)
Death scene.......................LONGER - DAVID ARCHULETA
Closing credits..................SEE THE WORLD - GOMEZ

High School Memories....

I read this on Heather's blog, and I thought it would be fun to think back to high school. It was a pretty interesting experience for me, and it's kind of fun (sometimes) to think back...even though my memory is horrible. But I'll give these questions my best shot!


My Junior Year Picture

1. Did you date someone from your High School?
Well, yeah my first boyfriend was Ryan, when I was 16. We were set up on a blind date on my 16th birthday and we dated for about 3 months. After that I didn't really have a steady boyfriend. I dated a little bit but mostly just hung out with groups of friends. Seemed easier that way!

Ryan and I at a school dance

2. What kind of car did you drive?
On occasion I would drive my mom's Pathfinder or my dad's Grand Prix when I had to work or something. I didn't have a car of my own until my second year of college, when I got Steve, the Pontiac Sunfire. I miss him sometimes.

Steve in his prime!

3. What was the most embarrassing moment of High School for you?
Oh gosh. I don't even know. I did a lot of stupid things but I didn't really get that embarassed. Although, there was one time that Heather and I were riding around town and I was driving my mom's Pathfinder. We were singing to the new Britney Spears cd at the top of our lungs, and as we got close to my house, I noticed a set of flashing red and blue lights. Then another. Then another. I pulled over thinking they needed to pass. Nope. They were there for me. Apparently, they had been following us for the past 2 or so miles, and we hadn't even noticed. The officer let me off with a warning...and it makes for a good story now! Not really embarassing, but no doubt the officer figured he was dealing with another underage blonde.

4. Were you a party animal?
Animal...not so much. But I did like to go to parties on occasion. I loved hanging out with friends and rarely did a weekend pass by where I wasn't out somewhere, much to my parents' dismay!

A group of Friends at a stomp

5. Were you considered a flirt?
You could say that. I didn't realize it at the time, but I did get called a flirt quite a bit. I just thought I was being friendly! haha *shrugs*

6. Were you in Band, Orchestra, or Choir?
I was in Advanced Ladies choir my sophomore year, and then Show Choir (or Madrigals, whatever it was called) my Junior and most of my Senior year. Singing was a big part of my life then, and it still kind of is, but not nearly as much. Now it mostly consists of me singing at the top of my lungs in the car or the shower!

My friends Angie and Sarah and some random guy during a choir competition

7. Were you a nerd?
You know, it's funny. Those that know me best wouldn't consider me a nerd. But one time I went to a blood drive to make up some unexcused absences, and some of the "rebel guys" were there. When they asked why I was there, they were all shocked, and said, "But you're like a nerd - why would you have unexcused absences?" It makes you wonder how people really perceive you!

8. Were you on any Varsity teams?
Varsity...no. But I was on the track team my freshman year. And I was the Varsity girls basketball camera man, which was kinda cool.

9. Did you ever get suspended/expelled?
No. But I did spend quite a few days after school making up the days I decided I had better things to do with my friends then go to class (like road trips to Cedar City....) ha ha

10. Can you still sing the fight song?
Let's see....Team fight for dear old Wasatch, our dear high school...fight for our honor always is the rule...da da da da...ummmm ok I guess the answer would be no. ha

11. Who were your favorite teachers?
Would it be sad if I didn't have any??? If I had to choose, I would probably say Mrs Turnblom (I think that's how it's spelled) because she was a total spaz. Oh yeah and Ms Kutsulis was a total spazzy Spanish teacher and it made it kinda fun. But there really isn't one teacher that stands out. The one that does is actually an 8th grade Science teacher I had...Mrs Conlin. She was amazing.

12. Where did you sit during lunch?
Depends on who I had lunch with. Most of the time we went out - sometimes we ate in the Senior hall, sometimes in the commons area, I don't really know. Just wherever.


At a Halloween Dance - four of us were the Pink Ladies. This is really a horrible picture! ha

13. What was your school's full name?
Wasatch High School

14. School mascot?
Wasp. Blah. Lame.


15. Did you go to Homecoming?
Homecoming...no. But I did go to a few other dances, like Prom, Senior Ball and Preference.

Prefence Senior Year - with Robby


Prefence Junior Year - with Brent

16. If you could go back and do it again, would you?
Absolutely not.

17. What do you remember most about graduation?
It was super hot in the gym. Totally packed, and I was annoyed by the girl that spoke. And I remember I kind of wanted to cry when we sang with the Show Choir but then I remembered that I couldn't wait to get out of high school and move on!

Heather and I after finally escaping the sauna that was graduation.

18. Where did you go Senior Skip Day?
Lagoon! With Heather and Valerie and Emmy. I got sunburned that day. It was so much fun!

19. Were you in any clubs?
Yes - Spirit club, FBLA - I LOVED going to the competitions. I won first place in public speaking and word processing a few times each! It was a lot of fun! And my Senior year I was in Journalism, which was fun too. Let's see...I know I was in a couple more but I really don't remember! I was involved in the drama stuff I guess, because I was in a couple of plays - Lil Abner and How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.

Lil Abner

How To Succeed

20. Have you gained some weight since then?
Definitely. Quite a bit actually. Ugh. But I'm working on losing it!!


In Hawaii with my parents and grandparents.

21. Who was your Prom Date?
One year it was Ryan, and the other year...well, I don't remember his name. How terrible is THAT? I think it was like Devon or something. He was really tall, as you can see.


22. 10 year Reunion? Are you planning on going?
Definitely not.

23. Looking back, what advice would you give yourself?
Save all your money, work harder at getting better grades for scholarships, get in better study habits, and develop a love for exercising!


Okay - if you just read this, now it's your turn to blog it!! Yay! I'll be checking.....so DO IT!

It's Time For Another....LIFE UPDATE!

It's been a hectic summer. And things keep on changing...

So here's what's new in the Warner home. First of all, about 3 weeks ago we found a new home for our cats, Jag and Jawz. It was just too hard to keep them, with how little time we spend at home these days. A woman who had a big huge house, 7 kids and 3 cats decided she wanted our boys for her...collection I guess. ha ha She provided each cat with it's own bed, litter box and food bowl as well as a child's lap to cuddle in. I was happy to see them go to such a great family. I miss them a lot, but Scottie promised me that when we buy our house, we'll get a cat to go with it.

Scott no longer works his part time security job so I get to have him home at night now! I am happy about that. He works full time at the Juvenile Detention Center. He is so good at his job and I am so proud of him! He is one of the few staff members there that can really get through to the kids and get them to do what they're supposed to. It could be because they are afraid to mess with him (and I don't blame them), but he is the kind of guy you can't help but respect and like. He's just amazing like that.

Scottie started school yesterday. He is going to Salt Lake Community College for his Bachelors. We're both excited to have him back in school, although we have to pay for it out of pocket since the government decided we made $1000 too much last year. Pfffffffft. You do what you have to do I suppose.

I start school on Tuesday. I'm attending the University of Phoenix for a Masters in School Counseling. I am actually going through the program with my sister Amy, so I am really excited that we get to do that together. So in two years I'll officially be able to be a school counselor! I am so thrilled about it! I'm getting closer to my ideal career!

We've still slowly been working on the adoption papers, but we are having a hard time with it now that we're both back in school. We're considering waiting for a little while longer before filing them. It just isn't feeling right at the moment. I want to be a mother so badly, but I also want to make sure that it feels right and that things are working out as they should. I know it's not something we should put off for long, heck, I'll be 27 in 5 months. I just know that I will know when the time is right.

My job with DCFS has gotten a teeny tiny bit easier. I sort of have an idea what I'm doing. And with my caseload growing bigger and bigger, I'm learning a lot FAST. I love my office, my coworkers are fantastic people, and I really do enjoy this job so much! I am really lucky to have it. And with this new schedule of having Fridays off, I get one whole day to myself to just get my house looking decent, laundry done, bills paid and then spend the "real" weekend with Scott without having to worry about chores! It's great. Of course the 10 hour days are still taking some getting used to - especially on days like Tuesday when 7 of my 10 hours are spend in court trials. Ugh.

Finally, we're actually losing weight! Scott and I have been very diligent on our "diet" (it's not really a diet per se, it's more of an eating-right-not-eating-out-anymore kind of deal). We have fresh fruit and vegetables every day, wheats and grains every day, as much dairy as we can handle (being lactose intolerant makes that one hard but dairy helps with weight loss), and we eat sugar pretty sparingly. It's made a huge difference in my day to day activities - I have so much more energy and I feel like I get so much more done. And my clothes are fitting better! I don't have an actual amount in pounds of how much I've lost so far, because I am not so concerned about that. I'm concerned about how I feel and about how my clothes fit, and how I see myself when I look in the mirror. I still have a WAYS to go, but I've done this before, I can do it again.

It's funny how each of us are handed our own little struggles to deal with in our lives. My big struggle my whole life has always been my weight. When I was a missionary, I was finally at my ideal weight after having lost 70 lbs. Coming home and getting married was detrimental on my waist line, and I gained it all back. My goal for now is to lose 50 of it before next June. My sister Anne is getting married in Mexico, and it's going to be fabulous. But I want to feel and look good then! It makes things a little easier when I have a goal to shoot for. So wish me luck!

That's about all that's really changed. It's been awfully strange without Sean around, and we're still trying to get used to that. He's been gone a month now, but it will take many years before our hearts are fully healed. You can't have a person like him in your life and easily recover from losing him.

Anyway, thanks for reading! I really do need to find a way to make my blog entries a LOT shorter....

Sean Sivertsen: Our Superman

Bagpipes beautifully played Amazing Grace as 8 teary eyed young men carried the mahogony casket to the gravesite through two long lines of saluting police officers. Tears streamed down every cheek as hundreds gathered near to say goodbye to one of the best men this world has EVER known.

Sean Sivertsen was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 20. When most young men are going off to college or serving missions, Sean was beginning an honorable battle with something no one wants to face. In 2004, he met Amy Boulter, a young single mother that took his breath away and instantly stole his heart. They fell in love quickly - seeing in each other something amazing, something very special, something most people will never see in someone else. True love in it's most perfect form. As they dated that first year, people watched with envy as Sean treated Amy with the utmost respect, even through disagreements. They watched as Amy selflessly served Sean during times of illness. And they watched as they fell into a love that only a fraction of the world will ever experience.

In December of 2005, on a beautiful snowy evening on Temple Square, Sean asked Amy to marry him. She didn't hesitate for a second. Afterall, they were the closest thing to soul mates that ever existed. Over the next year, they eagerly planned their wedding. We all looked forward to watching these two amazing people be sealed together in the temple for eternity. They deserved nothing less.

In November of 2006, a month before the wedding, Sean fell ill once again, as more tumors appeared. The doctors and nurses at the Huntsman Cancer Institute worked with what can only be explained as divine intervention. The tumors just seemed to disappear. Three weeks later, Amy and Sean entered the Salt Lake City temple, and were sealed together as a family. It was a ceremony that will never be forgotten. So much love filled that room. The spirit filled it as well, and tears of joy adorned the cheeks of those who were lucky enough to be there. The newly married couple were off to a gorgeous honeymoon in the Caribbean. After that, as a family of three, Sean and Amy took their son Jasen to Disneyland for the first time. The little family was already so close, and spending time together at the most magical place on earth only strengthened that!

In 2007, Sean signed on to start the Police Academy, with the Summit County Department of Corrections. He was to start in November, and nothing made him more excited! He wanted two things in life - to be a father, and a police officer. He had become an exceptional father, and now his dream of becoming a police officer was about to be realized. But he was about to face another battle: more tumors. This time they were on his brain. He needed to have surgery to remove the largest tumor, and would undergo pinpoint radiation treatments for the remaining. The academy would have to be delayed, for who knew how long.

The brain surgery went amazingly well, and the doctors were very pleased with the progress. That afternoon, Sean was up and was literally dancing down the halls of the hospital, with nurses and doctors watching in amazement. Sean had been training so hard, running miles and miles every day and exercising tirelessly to prepare himself for the academy. This, doctors said, had made his body so strong, that he made brain surgery look like a walk in the park. He was released shortly after that, and was able to start the academy at the beginning of 2008.

Sean was one of the most diligent human beings on earth. While undergoing radiation treatments and suffering chronic headaches and pain due to the remaining tumors on his brain, he finished the academy with flying colors in May 2008. At his graduation, he beamed with pride as an honorable officer of the law. His lieutenant couldn't help but express to his family just how proud he was of Sean and how incredible a person he knew he was. Of course no one knew that better than his wife and son.

Near the end of June, Sean's health began to decline rapidly. Tumors started to appear on the spine, and more on his brain. The doctors began a new treatment, one that wasn't guaranteed to work, but had a good possibility. However, when asked if this would ever go away, the attending doctor gave a sobering answer, which had already been known. It wouldn't.

In July, after much thought, prayer, and discussion with Amy, Sean knew he couldn't fight it much longer. The cancer was too strong, and his body, as strong as it was, just wasn't enough to fight. He had already been fighting for 9 years. God was calling him home, and he knew he needed to go. On July 23, 2008 at 1:05 pm, Sean slipped quietly from this mortal life, from the painful body that was holding him here, and returned home to his Father in Heaven. He was surrounded by his loved ones, most importantly his wife, whom he loved with all his heart.

Sean was our superman for SO many reasons. So many that if they were all to be listed here, it would take days to read. He would never let on to anyone just how sick he was, or how much pain he was in. The scars on his head and body were mere symbols of what he had been through and what he was currently facing. Not only did he continue to push himself to be the best he could be, he encouraged others to do the same, without even saying a word. Just being around Sean made someone want to be a better person. From his work with the Special Olympics to his selfless service as a police officer and father, Sean touched thousands of lives in a very short time. Sean never uttered an unkind thing to or about another person. Sean never raised his voice in anger. Sean taught his son special and important life lessons in a loving and spiritual way.

There's no question why God called him home early - there are hundreds of thousands of souls in need of a leader, a strong, amazing spiritual giant, and Sean is that man. That superman, who's powers exceed any one of Clark Kent's. The power of true love, the power of charity, the power of selflessness, the power to withstand the most excruciating mortal pain and bear it like a saint, the power to change his life and others for the better, without even meaning to. Knowing Sean was a blessing. Looking forward to seeing him again someday is a privelage. And his presence in this world is something that can never be replaced. The world is a better place for having him here, and we are better for knowing him.

Sean will NEVER be forgotten. Not by a single person who ever had the honor of knowing him. And he will live on through the memories created during his short time on this earth.

Until we meet again, Superman!

Trying my hand at something new...

My sister Anne has always been a very talented scrapbooker. I, on the other hand, have been quite the opposite. I have made two scrapbooks in my life (if you can even call them scrapbooks) and they have both been pretty terrible.

I'm very good at putting pictures in photo albums, and even writing on the little tabs who or what is in the picture. But I've just never been good at being creative and making cute pages out of pictures. Earlier today Anne called and asked if I would like to come scrapbook with her. I've had a bunch of scrapbooking supplies that my mother-in-law had given me before Scott and I got married. So I figured, I might as well give it a shot, and she said she'd be there to help me out.

Two hours later, I had produced my first official scrapbook pages (that didn't look like a collage made by a 4 year old). I decided that enjoyed it enough to make it a weekly tradition! So here are my pages for your viewing pleasure! I know I have a LOT to work on, and it's obvious I'm a beginner, but I am proud of them for being as inexperienced as I am! The first one is of our wedding invitation, and the second one was of our first dance as husband and wife!

Enjoy!

Our wedding invitation


Our first dance



My sister Anne hard at work!


One of Anne's many scrapbook pages


A very cute page of Anne's from when Jasen was a baby

Overwhelmed and Needing Advice!!

"You can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed??"


So this week I started work in my new office (even though I'm not officially done with training until the 25th). We were told that when we first start, we'll just "shadow" other caseworkers for a couple of months until we kind of get the hang of the job, and then we'll possibly have three or four cases of our own. When I arrived on Tuesday, I was assigned 6 cases!!!

My first task on one of my cases was to attend a very intense court hearing. Shortly after that, I had home visits to go to and all kinds of new situations to experience! I happened to see one of my trainers that first day, and he told me I had the "deer in headlights" look. And I have no doubt that I did.

When I got home on Tuesday, I just cried. I was so stressed out and overwhelmed and scared that I wouldn't be a good caseworker. There is so much I still don't understand, so many policies and laws and even just little tiny things that I don't know, and I do get really scared at times that I'm going to mess up. I hear the horror stories of caseworkers being sent to jail or yelled at by scary judges, etc etc etc, and I just freak out inside (and a little on the outside, too!).

Scottie was simply amazing while I was falling apart at the seams. He comforted me, encouraged me, and reassured me that I could do this. He even did the dishes, cooked dinner and cleaned up the house because he knew that it would cheer me up and relieve some stress. He's such a great husband and I am so lucky!

After yesterday and today I feel a lot better about my abilities and am slightly more confident in this journey I am beginning! Yesterday and today I got to know some of my clients, got more familiar with my cases, and got some time to myself to gather my thoughts and get myself organized. Next week I get a whole day to just organize my office, and get things just the way I want them!!

Which brings me to the actual point of this blog: I need some advice!! I am looking for cute, ergonomic, feng shui-ish ideas for how to decorate my office! I get tired of the same old plant in the corner, picture on the wall and bookshelf full of books no one ever reads. So I am looking for some great ideas for not only decoration, but organization and things that will generate a positive energy flow to decrease stress (because in this line of work, I am REALLY going to need it!)

So please give me any and all ideas you may have for this! I REALLY appreciate it!!!!