Overwhelmed and Needing Advice!!

"You can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed??"


So this week I started work in my new office (even though I'm not officially done with training until the 25th). We were told that when we first start, we'll just "shadow" other caseworkers for a couple of months until we kind of get the hang of the job, and then we'll possibly have three or four cases of our own. When I arrived on Tuesday, I was assigned 6 cases!!!

My first task on one of my cases was to attend a very intense court hearing. Shortly after that, I had home visits to go to and all kinds of new situations to experience! I happened to see one of my trainers that first day, and he told me I had the "deer in headlights" look. And I have no doubt that I did.

When I got home on Tuesday, I just cried. I was so stressed out and overwhelmed and scared that I wouldn't be a good caseworker. There is so much I still don't understand, so many policies and laws and even just little tiny things that I don't know, and I do get really scared at times that I'm going to mess up. I hear the horror stories of caseworkers being sent to jail or yelled at by scary judges, etc etc etc, and I just freak out inside (and a little on the outside, too!).

Scottie was simply amazing while I was falling apart at the seams. He comforted me, encouraged me, and reassured me that I could do this. He even did the dishes, cooked dinner and cleaned up the house because he knew that it would cheer me up and relieve some stress. He's such a great husband and I am so lucky!

After yesterday and today I feel a lot better about my abilities and am slightly more confident in this journey I am beginning! Yesterday and today I got to know some of my clients, got more familiar with my cases, and got some time to myself to gather my thoughts and get myself organized. Next week I get a whole day to just organize my office, and get things just the way I want them!!

Which brings me to the actual point of this blog: I need some advice!! I am looking for cute, ergonomic, feng shui-ish ideas for how to decorate my office! I get tired of the same old plant in the corner, picture on the wall and bookshelf full of books no one ever reads. So I am looking for some great ideas for not only decoration, but organization and things that will generate a positive energy flow to decrease stress (because in this line of work, I am REALLY going to need it!)

So please give me any and all ideas you may have for this! I REALLY appreciate it!!!!

It's Still Never Easy

Today I attended a funeral for a close family friend that's been living with my in-laws for the past 2 years. Her name was Stormy. She took the pictures at Scott's and my wedding, and she was a really great person. She was diagnosed with cancer not quite a month ago, and it spread so rapidly that the doctors couldn't keep up. She passed away on Monday, very early in the morning. Although we all sort of knew it was coming, you can never quite prepare yourself for losing someone you care about. The funeral was a small graveside service, and it was very sweet.

Sammy checking out a nearby grave marker


There were two children there ages 1 and 4. They got me really thinking about a lot. The one year old, named Sammy, kept staring and pointing, and we couldn't really ever figure out what he was pointing at, because when we'd look, there wasn't anything there. Then someone said, "I wonder what, or who he is looking at..." That struck a chord with me. It's definitely very likely that he was seeing something or someone that we couldn't see, with the veil being as thick as it is to us. But for someone so young, still so close to Heavenly Father, the veil isn't quite so thick. They say that the spirit world is right here, and I definitely believe that. Everytime he would point, he would smile, and I can't help but think that Stormy was there.



The 4 year old, Emily, loved Stormy a lot. When she first arrived at the cemetary, she kept asking where Stormy was. When the pallbearers brought the casket to the site, she asked if Stormy was in there. Her mother said that she was. She had a confused look on her face, but didn't ask anymore questions. We all sang God Be With You Till We Meet Again, and during the song, Emily told her mother that she needed to get Stormy out of the box. When her mother tried to explain that Stormy couldn't come out of the box and that she was gone, Emily began to cry, which of course started us all shedding tears. It was a very bittersweet experience.



At what age does a child understand the concept of death? Or do we ever really grasp the concept? Of course we understand the logistics of it, but since none of us that are alive have ever experienced it, how can any of us REALLY know? They say our days are numbered, that our time will come for everyone. Are we supposed to be scared? Excited? Worried? I am so ambivalent about it. I don't handle death well. It's so surreal to me how you can have had a conversation with someone one day, and the next day they are gone. They still exist, they are still themselves, but you have no way of contacting them. You won't ever see them as they were in this mortal life ever again. It simply blows my mind sometimes.

The flowers we picked for the top of the casket




I have so much more running through my mind, but I will be here forever if I try to sort it all out and type it up. I suppose I shouldn't think SO much about things, and just accept the fact that I won't be able to understand most of it until after I pass through the veil. But if you have thoughts on this kind of stuff, PLEASE share them with me!!!
Although she can't read yet, Emily loved checking out all the markers

Anniversary Time!

I can't believe how quickly time is flying. It doesn't seem that long ago that Scottie and I were just getting engaged! A lot has happened in the past 2 years, and I am so lucky to be married to such an amazing guy.

To celebrate our 2nd anniversary (which was on the 23rd), we decided to stay home and have a romantic dinner. Scottie cooked steak, potatoes, corn and brownies for dessert! It was absoutely wonderful! He is SUCH a good cook! He totally spoiled me, too. He surprised me with a GORGEOUS bouquet of flowers and a memory card for my phone. He also bought me a couple of new outfits since I need nicer stuff to wear at work when I go to court hearings. I really am so lucky to have him. I love him SO much!!!!

We have a lot of plans for our future, and I am excited to realize those plans with him and grow old together.



The gorgeous flowers Scottie bought for me 6/23/08


6/23/07 - we went to Lagoon where Scottie won lots of prizes, had a nice dinner at Christophers and stayed overnight at a hotel.

6/23/06 - we were married in the Mt. Timpanogos Temple

My Scary Experience!!!

As a fan of action movies and tv shows, I have seen my share of accident scenes, firey crashes and vehicles being blown to bits and pieces. I've seen scenes of people badly injured and in terrible pain, bleeding and broken. But I can always remind myself that it's just acting. It's just TV. It's just a movie. It can't affect you when you know it isn't real.

But it certainly can when it is real.

This is my story of the week.

On Tuesday morning, I was making my way down 4500 South on my way to work. It was about 8:30 am, and all was going well. The weather was nice, traffic wasn't bad at all, and I was excited about getting to work early so I could relax for a minute before delving into the day's work. That was until I saw the most traumatizing thing I've ever seen.

I was in the middle lane, a gold Grand Am in the lane to my left, about 1/2 a car length in front of me. In front of him was a young guy on a bullet bike. He was wearing a helmet and was obviously driving cautiously (which is rare to see these days). To our right, a large truck pulled into the lane, causing everyone to slow down. The bullet bike slowed, but slowed too quickly. Without having time to react, the Grand Am hit the back tire of the bike, causing it to fall to the side. Then, in the most unreal way, the Grand Am drove up and over the bike, driver and all. As the car drove over the bike and rider, the radiator and gas tank were both punctured, spraying fluids all over the road. Pieces of the bike were flying off all over and in a state of unbelief and shock, I stopped my car and simply screamed. I watched as the car cleared the bike and rider and stopped. The rider amazingly stood up in a state of delirium, and instantly fell flat on his back and began screaming in pain.

I quickly turned on my flashers and picked up my phone to call 911. 3 or 4 people were rushing to the rider's aide. When the dispatcher picked up, she asked for the address of the wreck and I told her. She then proceeded to give me directions on how to care for the injured rider. I had one person hold his head still and talk to him, while I searched for the bleeding wounds. We located his cell phone and a man called the rider's family to inform them of the accident. Within minutes two local police officers were on the scene, and not long after that, the ambulance arrived. They proceeded to assess the situation and the severity of the rider's wounds, which were pretty brutal.

The undercarriage of the car had shattered his helmet's visor, cutting gashes in his face. His left shoulder was dislocated and terribly bruised. His left leg was gashed open from ankle to hip. And his stomach and chest were badly bruised as well. They got him into the ambulance and rushed him off to the ER. After he was gone, I attempted to comfort the driver of the car that had hit him. I have never seen anyone in such a state of shock. He was barely coherent, he was shaking so much that I was amazed he could still hold onto his car keys. The officers couldn't get any information out of him. So I simply told him that everything was going to be okay, and that I saw the whole thing and knew it wasn't his fault, that there wasn't anything that could have been done. While still staring into space, he nodded. That was the only reaction I ever saw.

After filling out the witness forms and telling the officers what I had seen, I left to go to work. I was an hour late, but I definitely had a good excuse.

If there was one thing I learned from this is experience, it is this: HELMETS SAVE LIVES!!!!

If this guy had not been wearing one, his life would have ended right before my eyes. I have no doubt about that. He made the right choice when he hopped on his bike that morning, to wear a helmet. I have always felt very strongly about this, and this experience just solidified my feelings. PLEASE WEAR YOUR HELMET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't stress that enough.

So that was my story. It was an experience I never wanted to have, and I hope no one I know has to go through it.

Time for The Life Update!

I know it's been kind of a while since I last wrote, but life has been incredibly hectic lately! This week in particular has been crazy! So here's what's been going on.

On Monday the 2nd, I finally started my job as a Case Worker for the Division of Child and Family Services. And I absolutely LOVE it so far! I am SO happy to finally have a career, and more importantly, a career that I am going to enjoy! Not only that, but the state benefits are AMAZING. And they start day 1! So we can finally get rid of Scott's ridiculously expensive and totally crappy benefits! YAY! That will save us almost $300 a month! And there's something else about the benefits that we are way excited about, but I'll tell you about that in a minute.

As far as family goes, it's been a roller coaster of a week. For starters, my brother-in-law Sean had to have yet another surgery to remove tumors on his brain. He was in the Huntsman at the beginning of the week, but then they had him go to the U for the surgery and recovery. If you have never been to the U hospital, let me just advise you NOT TO. Ever. It was such a terrible experience for everyone involved. The good news is that they think they got all the tumors, and Sean is home as of today resting and recovering. SO that is fabulous news.

Also a close family friend of Scott's parents (who is actually renting a room from them at their house) was admitted to the hospital the same night with a pulmonary embolism (I hope I spelled that right). That's basically blood clots in her lungs. We had gone to Scott's little brother's graduation and she had been turning blue and not being able to breathe. She's still in the hospital (this time at St. Marks) and she's undergoing lots and lots of tests. They think she may have cancer or other problems. She keeps talking about how she wants certain people to have certain possessions of hers, which is a pretty big sign that she thinks she may not make it. But we'll see. All we can do is hold on, right?

Anyway, going back to the benefits, as it turns out the coverage from the state will cover 100% of an adoption up to $4,000 in legal fees and birth mother's medical bills! Is that amazing or what? Considering with the church our adoption fee is just slightly more than $4,000!!!

I am taking that as a HUGE sign that we're making the right decision. So our plan is to pay off our credit cards completely (which will take about 2 months) and then we will OFFICIALLY start the process! We have all the paperwork just waiting to be filled out! We are very excited about that!

That's about all that's going on these days! I have 7 more weeks of training before I'm a full fledged case worker, but I know it will go by fast! This week I get to go out into the field with other case workers and shadow them throughout the day, so I am very excited about that!

Alrighty then! Thanks for reading!

Locks of Love!

Well, I finally did it! I've been waiting a few months to actually do this, and now it's DONE!

Tonight I went to Scott's mom's house where I had her cut off 10 inches of my hair, put it in a plastic baggy, and then put it in an envelope addressed to LOCKS OF LOVE!

I'm SO happy about this! I've been growing my hair since Nov 2004 when I got home from the mission till now with this goal in mind. It was SO crazy! We put my hair in a ponytail, and then Scott's mom (who is a hairdresser) sawed through the hair and then handed me my ponytail! When she gave it to me, I just cracked up. It looked SO wierd. And my head felt SO light! I hadn't realized just how heavy all that hair was!

The last picture of my long hair...

She then proceeded to give me a super cute haircut, one that I picked from a hairstyle gallery online. I absolutely love it! Granted, I love having long hair. I had long hair my whole life till just before I left for WI. I kept it short for the next 2 years, and then grew it long again when I got home. It's fun to have changes in my hairstyles and this summer is going to be extra hot, so it will be nice not having 10 inches of my ridiculously thick hair making my neck so hot!

The cute teeny pigtails I put my hair in when I got home. I love them!

I'm so excited to be doing this, especially because someone who really needs it will get my hair and it will totally improve their life. I can always grow more hair, but so many people can't. I especially relate to this due to my brother-in-law Sean who has had cancer for years, and is bald from the radiation and chemo. I hope a little girl who was blonde before gets my hair and enjoys it as much as I did!

My ponytail right after it was cut! And then again after it was brushed and ready to be packaged!

What Is A Mission?

Okay, so in a past blog I mentioned that I had written some things and was proud of one thing that I'd written. It's about what a mission is to me. The reason I chose to post this tonight is two fold, really. One reason is that I recently found a TON of old letters that friends and family had sent me while I was in WI, and I was reading through them and reminiscing about those amazing 18 months. The other reason is that I've been in a VERY terrible mood the past 2 days, and when Scott isn't around to make me laugh, I like to think back on happy times in my life to cheer me up. I mean, I'm incredibly happy with my life now, but we all have those down times, right? Okay so this is something that I wrote all throughout the 18 months I spent as a missionary, as I experienced different things. It means a lot to me, and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

WHAT IS A MISSION

A mission is boarding a plane at 6 am to fly to an unknown destination where unknown people and experiences await you. It is feeling terribly inadequate as you knock on that first door. It is spending hours on end trying to figure our your companion, and then realizing it is you that needs to be figured out. It is teaching 11 year old Samantha and watching her eyes light up with excitement as she learns. It is hearing her pray in Serbian and feeling the spirit SO strongly, even though you can't understand a word. It is delivering Christmas to an impoverished mother of 2, and seeing her disabled son drag himself to the tree so he can gaze at the presents with tear-filled eyes. It is hearing a man named Larry tell of a dream he had when God himself told him the Book of Mormon was true and that Joseph Smith was a true prophet. It is seeing a companion's devastation as she receives a phone call from her mother who just learned that she is dying of cancer. It is meeting Louise Butler and feeling her extraordinary spirit. It is seeing her be baptized and receive the Gift of the Holy Ghost, and then two weeks later kneeling in prayer at a hospital as her soul slips silently back to our Father in Heaven. It is meeting an 18 year old girl named Beky and watching her learn and grow in the gospel. It is seeing the glow of her eyes as she accepts the teachings and is baptized. But then it is seeing the adversary take strong hold on her and watching helplessly as she digresses and goes back to old habits. It is coming to understand what Nephi meant when he said he prayed all day and wept all night for the welfare of the souls of the people. It is going to the temple with 72 year old Gunter Fitchler and watching tears stream down his face as a young woman is baptized for his wife of 37 years, and knowing the first step is completed for them to be sealed to each other forever. It is falling down a flight of stairs in front of 30 people and luckily only hurting your pride. A mission is getting a little taste of the Celestial Kingdom when you get to go back to an old area for a baptism and being greeted by familiar faces and friendly smiles. It is seeing Vivian rebaptized into the church after an abusive husband forced her to have her records removed. It is watching her change completely and knowing that all it took was faith in the Lord and His timing. It is teaching Marcia at the Brown County Jail and knowing that her life will be completely different when she leaves. It is knowing that your life will be changed once you leave the mission field. It is boarding a plane to go home, only to feel that you are leaving home, rather than going there.

This is actually only a small portion of the actual one I wrote. That part is what I shared during my homecoming talk. I have the whole thing written in my missionary journal, and will share it with anyone who requests it.

I just have such a strong testimony of missionary work. It's wierd, because all my life I always said I would never go on a mission, and that if people were meant to join the church they would find it on their own. Little did I know that people do find it on their own - through missionaries. I wouldn't change a moment of those 18 months - even through the hard times, it was the most amazing experience I have ever had. It's been almost 4 years now since I have been home, and it breaks my heart that I have been so bad at keeping in touch with all the people I met. My life was touched far more than anyone I met, of that I am sure. Those people, each and every one of them, formed me little by little into the person I am today. I can't WAIT to send my children off on missions - to experience the things that await them. I can't WAIT to retire and spend my elderly years with Scottie at my side as we serve the Lord as couple missionaries. It is something I knew I was supposed to do, and I'm extremely glad I did it!

And now for your entertainment - some of my mission pictures! Yay! Please excuse my scanning talent - it's pretty, well, terrible. If you'll look closely, you will see Scottie in one of the pics! That was when we hated each other. In fact, in the picture, I'm glaring at him because he kept pulling on my beanie and it was making me mad. Who knew we'd end up married? Ha ha!